I originally scheduled a lesson for Monday July 5th, so that I wouldn't miss out on a whole week of lessons due to the holiday. My original lesson was scheduled for 11am, but the driving school called me on Friday and let me know that the instructor I was scheduled with had to cancel his Monday lessons because something came up. Okay, fine, no problem. No one else was available at 11am, so I rescheduled with another instructor for 1 o'clock this afternoon.

This one wasn't Jaba the Orc, but he was a close second. He was thinner, but had that same unwashed, unshaved look (I wonder if that's one of their hiring requirements). I knew it was going to be difficult the minute I got in the car, went to put on my seatbelt and then he started telling me that I shouldn't put my seatbelt on in case I had to adjust my mirror on the right side of the car. Like DUHHH! If I had to adjust the mirror, I'd unfasten the damn belt, lean over, and adjust it. Better that, than me starting to drive the car and THEN realize I'm not wearing my seatbelt! He proceeds to tell me that, on his schedule for today, I'm listed as "Carlos". He actually ASKED if I was Carlos. Obviously, I don't LOOK like a "Carlos", at least I don't think so!

He then spent about 10 minutes rattling off stuff that I either (a) already knew, or (b) would've been obvious to anyone who's ever BEEN in a car in their LIFE. (Like what the different lights on the dashboard mean when they're lit - check oil, fasten seatbelt, door ajar, etc.) The man would not SHUT UP! Usually, I'm the one with the motor mouth in the car, but I knew it was bad when I couldn't get a word in edgewise. It wasn't so much WHAT he was saying, but the way he was saying it. The worst part was that it totally distracted me, undermined any confidence I had in my abilities, AND caused me to make at least 2 very stupid mistakes that I probably would not have made if I wasn't consciously resisting the urge to ask him to please just shut up. Geez, Louise! He made my niece on a sugar high look quiet in comparison!

He asked if I was nervous, and I said yes, I was. Did he do anything to help me be LESS nervous??? NOPE! He just kept on making these really fussbudgety comments about a) my turns, b) my signalling "too soon", and - get this - c) how FAST I was driving! BWAHAHAHA!!! I was doing 25-30mph on a 30mph street! He honest-to-God told me I was going too fast at 30mph! Mind you, this was on a "big street" where everyone else was swearin' under their breath at how SLOW I was going because I was doing the speed limit!

Then, he kept telling me that I should schedule my road test now, because I'll have to wait 3-4 weeks before I get a test date, and that I should take my lessons closer together so that I don't get rusty. That's about the point where I told HIM that a) my main reason for taking driving lessons was to overcome my fear of driving, b) if I got my license, it would be an added plus and c) I wasn't planning on scheduling a road test until I was extremely comfortable with what I was doing behind the wheel. (Needless to say, he wasn't helping with that last one!)

So, I drove from my house towards my sister's again, and practiced my right and left turns. With 10 minutes left to go in the lesson, he had me pull over and said he was going to teach me how to make a "K-turn". Somehow, I just knew that learning something new with this guy was just not going to work, and so I told him that I really didn't feel comfortable and would rather wait until my next lesson to learn it. He mumbled some stuff about pushing myself, and how, the instructor wouldn't suggest something like that if they didn't feel the student was ready for it, blah blah blah, but he didn't make me learn it. I'm thinking in my head "NO WAY am I learning a K-turn with this guy!" So, with the remaining few minutes, I drove around my sister's neighborhood, made a few more right and left turns, and pulled up in front of her house. To say that I couldn't WAIT to get out of that car would be an understatement! All I wanted to do was SMACK this guy!

I was wearing my super-cool shirt from my adventure with the Long Island Sweet Potato Queens in the Wantagh 4th of July parade (another cool adventure) DivaQueenSPQ on, and he was asking me a bunch of questions about it.
Him: "What's a Sweet Potato Queen?"
Me: "It's a women's group"
Him: "That tells me a lot. What is it, a feminist group? Men-haters?"
Me: "No, it's a group of women who like to have fun?"
Him: "So, do you meet every month or something?"
Me: Not necessarily
Him: "What is it about, an author or something?"
Me: "Yes, this woman wrote several books."
Him: "And what do Sweet Potato Queens have to do with them? Is that what they're all about? Sweet Potato Queens?"
Me: "Yup, all the books are about the Sweet Potato Queens."

Did I mention that I wanted to SMACK him upside his head?

On a positive note, I can now add "changing lanes" to my list of accomplishments. I am SO GLAD I've scheduled my next three lessons with the GOOD instructor!