It looks like my soldiers are going to be coming home soon. According to the Atlanta Journal Constitution, the platoon I've been supporting with the other Point Thank You folks and September Space volunteers since October is safely in Kuwait. They should be on their way home soon. This is a good thing, and I have every intention of making a trip to Georgia to meet these fine soldiers as soon as I'm able. It may not be until the winter, though, because they'll need time to re-adjust and spend time with their families. I'll still have my Army Major and Marine Major to send letters and care packages to. As far as I know, they're still over there and will be for a while.

News - Christopher Walken or Michael Keaton for "Willy Wonka"?

I can't even believe this is even a question! Can you imagine Christopher Walken as Willy Wonka??? I sure can't! That would be kind of like having Jack Nicholson play Mr. Rogers. The thought of that would be way too creepy for me, kind of like "Ted Bundy and the Chocolate Factory". I'd just keep waiting for him to "off" the kids or do something equally weird.

The Couch Potato Queens strike again. We'll be walking in the October 2003 Making Strides Against Breast Cancer walk. I've already set up the team sign-up and donation page, and am ready to start recruiting members.

This goes into the "only in New York" file. Yesterday, as I was leaving the three-day Negotiation Skills class I was taking, I decided to stop over near the South Street Seaport. I walked over, and decided to check out the NY Waterway ferries. As I was walking over to find out about schedules and prices, I passed a nun. As I did so, she asked "Would you like to help the children of St. Joseph's?" in this really husky voice that sounded like she smoked three packs a day. I smiled and said "no thanks" and walked over to where the ferry info was posted. She asked a few more people if they would like to help the children of St. Joseph's. Something made me turn around to give this nun a second look. Well, either she was the world's ugliest nun, or she was a he. We're talking "Sister Mary God, She's Ugly" ugly.

Not only that, the habit she was wearing was really strange. For one thing, it was sleeveless. Now, I was born and raised Catholic, and I don't think I've ever seen a sleeveless habit. The next tip-off that this was a pseudo-sister were the socks. Yes, you heard me right socks - another thing I've never seen worn with a nun's habit. These were heavy, black woolly ones, which went really well with the knee-length black skirt she was wearing. The bare legs were another tip-off. Everyone knows nuns don't have legs! On her head, she wore what looked like a white bandana underneath a - get this - black wrap skirt tied around her head instead of a veil. That, combined with the nicotine-stained teeth and big square-framed eyeglasses really made it obvious that this was definitely not a nun.

So, I walked up to Pier 17 and mentioned it to the NYPD MSTF officers parked there. I told them that I wasn't sure they could do anything, but that if nothing else, it could be worth a good laugh. I told them that if this was a nun, I was Mother Theresa, and that I really thought that this sister wasn't even a woman. I wish I could've been a fly on the wall to watch the results, but I didn't think it would be wise to hang around and watch the action.

One of the websites I came across while surfing is Meetup.com. The premise is that Meetup.com is a free service that organizes local gatherings about "anything, anywhere". This looks pretty cool. You can search for existing "Meetups" in your city, or suggest a new one.

I've been kind of tied up with work lately and haven't had much of an opportunity to write. I'm in a three-day long course called "Negotiating for Success", and today was the first day. So far, it's been very interesting, but long. The class starts at 8:30am and finishes at around 5:45pm. And, tonight, I had the added bonus of getting stuck between stations on a #7 train for over an hour. That did wonders for my mood - NOT! I've decided that, for the heck of it, I'm going to keep a log on my Palm Pilot of every time I get stuck on a subway train. I'm going to note when, how long and how many different explanations we get. Today, our train was originally switched over to the express track because of problems on the local track, and then, after we were sitting on the express track for over half an hour, the problem was due to switch/signal problems on the express track. What made it worse was watching six or seven trains passing us by on the local track while we continued to sit there, and the conductor making the same announcement over and over (as if we hadn't heard it the first six times) and asking us to "please remain to be patient". This is what the MTA is charging us $2.00 for these days.

I think I'm starting to get a little carried away with this home decorating stuff. Today, I covered my two livingroom chair cushions in matching 99 cent store pillowcases in a "lovely shade of mauve". They don't look as good as the chair I did yesterday, but trust me, my cheap "lovely shade of mauve"-covered cushions look a LOT better than "rust colored velour cat hair"-covered cushions. In addition to being cheap, the pillowcases have the added bonus of being made from a smooth, relatively cat hair-resistant fabric. It's hard to describe, but it's almost like the stuff they use to make laundry bags. Cheap, attractive and practical - hey wait a minute, that sounds like me!

Another useful lesson learned today. When buying a replacement flushing arm for one's toilet, be sure to check that the one you're buying is for the right kind of flusher. Do not, like I did, buy a front-handled flushing arm for a side-handled toilet. You can make do with it for a day or so rather than lift the tank lid every time you need to flush. However, it looks really weird and is definitely not suitable for long-term use. I was so busy making sure that it looked like the piece would fit my toilet, I didn't even think about the angle of the flushing arm. Who knew?

Martha Stewart, watch out! I am turning into a domestic decorating goddess, which is a very scary thought. Tuesday, it was a trip to IKEA. Today, I stopped at the Penn Station KMart, and bought two cans of ivory spray paint. That, combined with a pillowcase I bought in the 99-cent store and the staple gun I bought at Target last weekend, resulted in new life for a second-hand chair. Actually, there are two chairs, but I only painted one of them today. It came out looking really good, and not like I did it myself. Then, I covered the cushions on one of my livingroom chairs with a pair of mauve pillowcases from the 99-cent store. It looks so good, I'm going to pick up two more matching pillowcases for the other livingroom chair. I'm not sure which is scarier - the fact that I actually did a do-it-yourself project, or the way I'm looking around my apartment and thinking of 101 other things I can do with my staple gun, spray paint and a bit of fabric.

My upstairs neighbor is a dumbass. Really, he is. There are two apartments in this house, and we usually get two of each piece of junk mail. So, what does my dumbass neighbor do? He leaves them both for me! Wait, it gets better. Not only does he leave them both in the mailbox for me, but he will leave the same piece of junk mail in the mailbox for days without taking it, and then slide it under my door for me to deal with. Now, if he doesn't want it, what makes him think that I want two of 'em???

So, last night, I left a post-it on the piece of junk mail that he's left for me for the past day or two saying "Thanks, but I already have one of these." This morning, I find a response to my post-it stuck on my door that says "Please give me a chance to pick up my mail." Now, I could understand that if he hadn't already picked up every other piece of his mail except the piece of junk mail. That was the only thing left in the mailbox. So, in order to keep the peace, I left him a note that said "No problem. I just thought you were leaving me the coupons in case I wanted them. Most of the time I don't use them, so feel free to just trash 'em if you don't want them." Guaranteed, next junk mail delivery, I'll have two of everything sitting and waiting for me again. Why? Because he's a dumbass.

In keeping with ATRW tradition, here are some headlines from this week's Weekly World News, my favorite tabloid:

Osama's Embarassing Secret: Bin Laden is a Bed Wetter! This is too much! "We believe that Al Qaeda may be running out of places to conceal him," confirms the source. "Now he's often forced to stay in sleazy roadside motels. Once the staff are done cleaning his room, they're usually glad to answer any questions we ask.

"It's been a long chase, but we know we're getting close. These days his bedsheets are often still damp when we arrive. That's very exciting."

I don't know who their source is, but I think anyone who thinks finding damp bedsheets is exciting really needs to get themselves a hobby or something. Something's just not right there.

35 Helpless Americans are Buried Alive Every Day! According to this article, If you don't want to become the next man, woman or child to suffocate in a casket, bleed to death in the basement of a funeral home or burn to oily ash in a crematorium, you must take precautions now. What the article fails to mention is what types of precautions one should take to avoid such a horrible fate.

Here's a helpful piece of advice - don't wear a red shirt to go shopping at Target.

Man Sets Girlfriend On Fire In Queens

I thought headlines like this only appeared in the Weekly World News, but this is real, and not too far from my neighborhood. I guess this gives new meaning to the words "Oh, thank Heaven for 7-11"!

Here's a guy who's a real brain surgeon. He pours gasoline on his girlfriend/common-law wife and then ends up in setting himself on fire while trying to hold onto her. Not exactly the brightest crayon in the box, that's for sure!

Welcome to the Blog version of "As the Rose Wilts"

I had started ATRW years ago as an e-mail journal, and then as an online journal on my old GeoCities website. I've been encouraged to bring back "As the Rose Wilts" and now its new incarnation is here. You can view earlier "episodes" here