"Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" is AWESOME!!!

I went with my sister and my niece to see "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" for my birthday this morning. As some of you know, I've been DYING for this movie to come out, and it was AWESOME!!!

Some people have said that this movie was going to be "darker" than "Willy Wonka" with Gene Wilder, but it wasn't really. There are a few darker moments, but on the whole it's HILARIOUS!!! If you loved Johnny Depp as Captain Jack Sparrow, you'll love him as Willy Wonka. He's quirky, and a bit goofy at times, but it's intentional and very funny!

They've updated some of the kids and parents a bit (Mike TV is a video game addict, and Violet Beauregard and her mother are HILARIOUS as a children's "competition" mother and daughter team), but not so much that it detracts from the film. The Oompa-Loompas are funny as hell, and their musical numbers are really cool!

The only scene that might be a bit scary for younger kids is when Veruca Salt gets taken away by the squirrels. It's not gory or anything, but we had my niece cover her eyes so she wouldn't have nightmares about squirrels carrying her away.

The music is by Danny Elfman, and I'm definitely going to buy the soundtrack for this one. The visual effects are fantastic and I just loved the whole movie so much, I'm probably going to go and see it again, which is something I haven't done in a very long time!

Chairs from Hell

The picture really doesn't do the horror of these justice. What's not clearly visible is the color. Imagine if you will, olive green chairs with crushed goldenrod velvet cushions. They're from another dimension. A dimension of console TVs and bad upholstery. There's the signpost up ahead. You've just crossed into "The Retro Zone".

(To see more thrift shop horrors, click on the "Previous Posts" links on the right.)

LOOK! It's Icantciu, the ancient god of eyeless people!  

At some point in time, someone actually bought this for their home. It boggles the mind.

More Second-hand Horrors

He loves his Grandpa, but his Grandpa obviously doesn't love him. Grandpa donated him to St. Vincent de Paul, where he will sit forever, waiting for some pedophile with a cowboy fetish to buy him.

Bad Grandpa.

Used-to-Be Pets

Because every home needs its own Used-to-Be Pheasant. The Used-to-Be-Pheasant is easy to keep clean and makes a great pet for folks on a budget.

Used-to-Be Pets - the ideal gift for lazy people who are too cheap to buy pet food.

Second-hand Horrors

I'm not quite sure, but it looks like a Jesus and Moses Blue Plate Special. Would you believe they wanted eight bucks for this?

More from the Great Avocado Invasion of the 1970s

This is actually a set of metal canisters. Why anyone would want this in their kitchen beats the crap out of me!

The Great Thrift Shop Adventure

After years of talking about it, my sister Jean and I finally went to the St. Vincent de Paul Society Thrift Shop on Jericho Turnpike. It was a complete bust as far as finding bargains. I have never seen so much ugly, over-priced, second-hand crap.

Good thing I had my camera phone with me. The picture quality is lousy, but then so was the merchandise itself, like this lovely patio furniture set, in a lovely shade of avocado:

Horror 1

CSI: Miami - Polly Pocket

I babysat for my niece and nephew last night, while my sister and brother-in-law went out to dinner. My niece had all of her Polly Pockets out and on the livingroom floor waiting for "Auntie Carol" to play. Now, a normal aunt would play dress-up with the dolls, have a play party, etc. Not this aunt! We played "CSI: Miami - Polly Pocket".

We had the purple "Polly Pocket Pimp Mobile" (complete with loud radio and swimming pool in the back) crash through a party going on at Polly's condo. Polly Pocket bodies were scattered everywhere. So, we had our blonde Polly Pocket CSI team member questioning witnesses, bagging "evidence" (i.e., scattered doll shoes, clothes, etc.), dusting for fingerprints and sending everything to the "lab" for analysis. Several "witnesses" were the victims of the mysterious Polly Pocket hit-and-run driver while being questioned. My niece thought it was hilarious, and wouldn't let me stop until we had killed off all the Polly Pockets.

The sad part is that it was just about as believable as any "CSI: Miami" plot!

Seven years ago this week on ATRW

As The Rose Wilts - 7/6/98

Geez, I can't believe I've been doing this in one form or another for over seven years! Reading some of this stuff years later is just plain hilarious!