Good news - Zig's lab results came back normal! Not that he's a normal cat by any stretch of the imagination, but it's a huge relief to know that everything's okay!

Right now, I'm sitting here waiting for the vet to call back with the results of my cat Zig's lab work. I had taken him in yesterday to have his mouth examined. He lost, or rather, I found, one of his front "fangs" in my couch cushions the other day. From the looks of it, it just fell out. I called the vet's office, and they suggested that I have him looked at just to be on the safe side.

So, yesterday, I brought him in to see the vet. It was a bit difficult, because that's where I brought Trouble when I had to have him put to sleep last month. She examined Zig, cleaned the wax out of his ears, and put him on antibiotics to prevent any infection in the spot where the tooth was. Overall, she said he looked good for a thirteen-year-old cat, but was concerned about the feel of his abdomen. So, she took blood and urine samples. Poor Zig! I had anticipated her poking around his mouth a bit, but hadn't thought that he'd be subjected to having fluids drawn out of his neck and bladder. He was very good about it, though, which surprised me. Of course, I made sure to give him some extra treats when we got home.

So here I sit, waiting for the call. Worrywart that I am, I'm imagining all sorts of dire results. It doesn't matter that he's running around like Tigger on crack, or that he's acting pretty much the same as he acted when he was two. His eating habits certainly haven't changed, and he still runs around chasing anything that isn't nailed down. Despite that, I'm worried, and fearing the worst. Damn, I wish she'd call already!

Well, this sure isn't the way to spend my time off after Christmas - sick at home with some kind of bug! Odd thing is, aside from nasal and chest congestion, and an overall tired feeling, I don't feel all that bad. I'm hoping that this is as bad as it will get. I was supposed to help out at The Bear Search and Rescue Foundation's booth at The New York National Boat Show this afternoon, but there's no way that I could schlep into the city from Queens feeling like this. I'm supposed to help out tomorrow and during the rest of the week, too. Not sure what's going to happen with that, although I really want to go. On the positive side, if I'm too sick to enjoy my scheduled vacation day tomorrow, I'll use a sick day instead of wasting a vacation day.

This is weird. My intestines are making all sorts of weird noises, and pretty loud ones, at that. Nothing else is happening, just a lot of noise. Strange. Of course, I don't want them to do anything outside of normal intestinal stuff. No thank you!

The more I live in New York City, the more I want to leave it. Of course, spending eight days in Walt Disney World doesn't help things. Don't get me wrong. I grew up loving this city, and I still do. However, living here wears on a person. It's a dirty city. If you don't believe it, just take a good look at virtually any street, subway station or bus in any part of the city, "outer boroughs" included. I'm seriously thinking of taking my camera and shooting a roll of film as "a study in dirt." It is, as my five year old niece would say, "dis-gusting." After being in Orlando-Kissimee, where everything is clean and green, it's really hard to come back to this.

Breaking News from MSN Women - The Right Way to Squeeze a Pimple

Geez, just what I need to know!

The comedy stuff is going well. So far, I've done two five-minute spots at Stand-up NY, and have been asked to come back for two more in December. Not bad!

I was just thinking about some of the things we New Yorkers consider routine events. Seeing rats the size of small dogs on the subway tracks. Roaches the size of large olives crawling across the sidewalks at night. What is wrong with this picture??? Is this what I want to spend my life dealing with on a regular basis??? I see rats, roaches and other creepy crawlies on a more or less daily basis during my commute, and I don't commute through bad neighborhoods. This isn't what I want my 5 year old niece to grow up seeing and becoming immune to, either. Yuck!

My first stand-up comedy class went well. The instructor broke the news that "our first gig is October 3rd". Translation - I have less than 3 weeks to come up with 5 minutes worth of material to perform in front of a real live audience. Can you say "scared"???

WHAT did I get myself into here??? She suggested we stick with familiar stuff, and in my case, since I'm having such a fun time being a 40 year old spinster/old maid who lives with her cats, she suggested I try focusing on that, and on my dysfunctional family. I'm still scared, LOL!!!"

WPVI.com: Birthday Party Gone Bad: "Birthday Party Gone Bad
Mom Accused of Stripping for Boys
SHARON, PA-August 27, 2003 — A Pennsylvania woman was arrested after allegedly buying her son and 3 of his friends beer and stripping for them in a hotel in an attempt to make up for a failed birthday trip to ride go-carts. "

According to the article, the boys found that the go-carts were all rented out, the woman drove to Ohio to buy beer and then took the son and his friends to a hotel, gave them beer and $1 bills. She told them she wanted to be a stripper and told them to put the money in her bra and panties, exposed herself and asked the boys to spank her.

What I want to know is how watching your mom strip and putting dollar bills into her panties makes up for missing out on a go-cart ride? The two don't even come close in my book. What the hell was this woman thinking??? "Oh gee, since they can't ride the carts, maybe they'd like to see mom naked instead???"

Here's the short version of my blackout adventure. In a nutshell, I ended up:

- Walking down 36 flights of stairs to get out of our office building at around 6pm.

- Staying overnight at a co-worker's house on Staten Island, where she, two of her neighbors and I drank margaritas and had salad, pasta, chips and guacamole.

- Going back into the city on Friday morning, and finding out that our office was still closed even though power was restored in Lower Manhattan.

- Taking a bus up to 59th and 2nd, and trying to find a way to get into Queens.

- VERY LUCKILY eventually getting on what turned out to be an express bus to Main Street Flushing, which is where I would normally get off the subway to catch my local bus.

- My commute home from lower Manhattan took me about 3 1/2 -4 hours, but I got home and then went over to my kid sister's where I ended up in my 5 year old niece's kiddie pool fully dressed.

- Having a sleepover party with my niece, where she gave my sister and I a beauty makeover, and we all sang "I feel pretty". Now THAT was hilarious!

I'll write more about my blackout of 2003 adventures later. Right now, I just wanted to post here to let anyone reading know that I'm safe, sound and finally home.

Here's something I don't understand. Why do people get on an escalator, only to walk up or down them? Aren't escalators supposed to be for lazy people such as myself who don't want to walk up or down stairs? Why take the escalator in the first place, or worse, push past those of us who are simply enjoying the ride? Why not just take the stairs and let us ride in peace?

Okay, as of yesterday morning, I've had my subway delay for the week. The #7 train that I was on sat for over 20 minutes and then proceeded at a snail's pace due to "congestion due to a sick passenger at Queensboro Plaza." What is normally about a 35-40 minute ride ended up taking over an hour. Fortunately, I had a seat, but by the time that train pulled into Times Square, my butt was numb from all the sitting!

According to the front page of this week's Weekly World News, the Pope is Missing! I'm not sure which is funnier, the headline or the following quote:

"He seems to have just wandered off" - says agitated Cardinal

Other headlines of note include:

Found: Amazing Real-life Rip Van Winkle! The funny thing about this one is the picture of a guy dressed in pretty modern business clothes with a long white beard and really long fingernails.
Breast Milk: It's Not Just for Babies Anymore! I'm not touching that one!
Root Beer & Brazil Nuts Cured My Cancer!
Give Your Computer a Human Brain - Your loved ones can live on - in your PC!
Family is Terrorized by a Demon Dollhouse!
My Twin Made Me a Drunk! Heavy boozing leads to Siamese Tragedy
and last, but not least...
Fishing Fleets are Wiping Out Our Mermaids - Conservationists Warn! The quote here is from a boat captain:
"I always throw the live ones back!"

Yesterday was a "good news, bad news" kind of day. The good news is that I received an e-mail from the contact for our adopted platoon, and he is back home in the USA. The rest of the platoon is due back home within the next few days or so. I thought it was especially nice of him to e-mail me considering he's only been home a matter of days after being in the Middle East for about 10 months, and in the hospital overseas with a broken leg. If I'm glad he's home, I can only imagine how his wife must be feeling!

Now for the bad news. My landlord is going to be raising my rent by $50/month starting next month, and then another $50/month in January. This sounds like a lot, but he hasn't raised my rent in the last 4 years. I've only had one rent increase, and that was back in 1999. Besides, the guy deserves it. He's a great landlord, and I love my apartment. Even with the rent increase, it's still a bargain. I have the whole first floor of a renovated house that was built around 1911, eight windows, three of which are southern exposure, high ceilings and four rooms. I also get pretty much sole use of the porch, since my upstairs neighbor never uses it. So, while the increase may be a bit of a stretch, I'm happy here and don't think I would find anything even remotely comparable for less.

Yesterday, my sister Jean and I made another pilgrimage to IKEA. I bought five off-white cloth window shades to replace some of the decrepit hunter green mini-blinds in my apartment, another cord light and paper shade, and two CD/DVD wall storage units for my livingroom. All five shades are now on the windows in my bedroom and diningroom. I could kick myself in the head for not buying three more for the livingroom windows. The shades really make a big difference. They're a little boring color-wise, but they let more light in, and I can always pick up some fabric paint and liven them up a bit.

Next on my home improvement list are a bookcase, coffee table and someplace to store my photo albums and scrapbooks. This is getting very scary!

Today looks like it's going to be another good day for this domestically-challenged individual. It's only 9:12am, and already I've installed a new IKEA light fixture in my bedroom. It's one of those cool lights that are really nothing more than a length of electrical cord, socket and a bulb that hangs from a hook in the ceiling, covered with a cool paper shade. The entire thing only cost me about six bucks. I needed something for when I want to read in bed, so that I don't have to walk all the way across the room to shut the dang ceiling light off. It's lightweight, too, so if I screwed up and it falls off the ceiling, it won't damage my head too much!

It looks like my soldiers are going to be coming home soon. According to the Atlanta Journal Constitution, the platoon I've been supporting with the other Point Thank You folks and September Space volunteers since October is safely in Kuwait. They should be on their way home soon. This is a good thing, and I have every intention of making a trip to Georgia to meet these fine soldiers as soon as I'm able. It may not be until the winter, though, because they'll need time to re-adjust and spend time with their families. I'll still have my Army Major and Marine Major to send letters and care packages to. As far as I know, they're still over there and will be for a while.

News - Christopher Walken or Michael Keaton for "Willy Wonka"?

I can't even believe this is even a question! Can you imagine Christopher Walken as Willy Wonka??? I sure can't! That would be kind of like having Jack Nicholson play Mr. Rogers. The thought of that would be way too creepy for me, kind of like "Ted Bundy and the Chocolate Factory". I'd just keep waiting for him to "off" the kids or do something equally weird.

The Couch Potato Queens strike again. We'll be walking in the October 2003 Making Strides Against Breast Cancer walk. I've already set up the team sign-up and donation page, and am ready to start recruiting members.

This goes into the "only in New York" file. Yesterday, as I was leaving the three-day Negotiation Skills class I was taking, I decided to stop over near the South Street Seaport. I walked over, and decided to check out the NY Waterway ferries. As I was walking over to find out about schedules and prices, I passed a nun. As I did so, she asked "Would you like to help the children of St. Joseph's?" in this really husky voice that sounded like she smoked three packs a day. I smiled and said "no thanks" and walked over to where the ferry info was posted. She asked a few more people if they would like to help the children of St. Joseph's. Something made me turn around to give this nun a second look. Well, either she was the world's ugliest nun, or she was a he. We're talking "Sister Mary God, She's Ugly" ugly.

Not only that, the habit she was wearing was really strange. For one thing, it was sleeveless. Now, I was born and raised Catholic, and I don't think I've ever seen a sleeveless habit. The next tip-off that this was a pseudo-sister were the socks. Yes, you heard me right socks - another thing I've never seen worn with a nun's habit. These were heavy, black woolly ones, which went really well with the knee-length black skirt she was wearing. The bare legs were another tip-off. Everyone knows nuns don't have legs! On her head, she wore what looked like a white bandana underneath a - get this - black wrap skirt tied around her head instead of a veil. That, combined with the nicotine-stained teeth and big square-framed eyeglasses really made it obvious that this was definitely not a nun.

So, I walked up to Pier 17 and mentioned it to the NYPD MSTF officers parked there. I told them that I wasn't sure they could do anything, but that if nothing else, it could be worth a good laugh. I told them that if this was a nun, I was Mother Theresa, and that I really thought that this sister wasn't even a woman. I wish I could've been a fly on the wall to watch the results, but I didn't think it would be wise to hang around and watch the action.

One of the websites I came across while surfing is Meetup.com. The premise is that Meetup.com is a free service that organizes local gatherings about "anything, anywhere". This looks pretty cool. You can search for existing "Meetups" in your city, or suggest a new one.

I've been kind of tied up with work lately and haven't had much of an opportunity to write. I'm in a three-day long course called "Negotiating for Success", and today was the first day. So far, it's been very interesting, but long. The class starts at 8:30am and finishes at around 5:45pm. And, tonight, I had the added bonus of getting stuck between stations on a #7 train for over an hour. That did wonders for my mood - NOT! I've decided that, for the heck of it, I'm going to keep a log on my Palm Pilot of every time I get stuck on a subway train. I'm going to note when, how long and how many different explanations we get. Today, our train was originally switched over to the express track because of problems on the local track, and then, after we were sitting on the express track for over half an hour, the problem was due to switch/signal problems on the express track. What made it worse was watching six or seven trains passing us by on the local track while we continued to sit there, and the conductor making the same announcement over and over (as if we hadn't heard it the first six times) and asking us to "please remain to be patient". This is what the MTA is charging us $2.00 for these days.

I think I'm starting to get a little carried away with this home decorating stuff. Today, I covered my two livingroom chair cushions in matching 99 cent store pillowcases in a "lovely shade of mauve". They don't look as good as the chair I did yesterday, but trust me, my cheap "lovely shade of mauve"-covered cushions look a LOT better than "rust colored velour cat hair"-covered cushions. In addition to being cheap, the pillowcases have the added bonus of being made from a smooth, relatively cat hair-resistant fabric. It's hard to describe, but it's almost like the stuff they use to make laundry bags. Cheap, attractive and practical - hey wait a minute, that sounds like me!

Another useful lesson learned today. When buying a replacement flushing arm for one's toilet, be sure to check that the one you're buying is for the right kind of flusher. Do not, like I did, buy a front-handled flushing arm for a side-handled toilet. You can make do with it for a day or so rather than lift the tank lid every time you need to flush. However, it looks really weird and is definitely not suitable for long-term use. I was so busy making sure that it looked like the piece would fit my toilet, I didn't even think about the angle of the flushing arm. Who knew?

Martha Stewart, watch out! I am turning into a domestic decorating goddess, which is a very scary thought. Tuesday, it was a trip to IKEA. Today, I stopped at the Penn Station KMart, and bought two cans of ivory spray paint. That, combined with a pillowcase I bought in the 99-cent store and the staple gun I bought at Target last weekend, resulted in new life for a second-hand chair. Actually, there are two chairs, but I only painted one of them today. It came out looking really good, and not like I did it myself. Then, I covered the cushions on one of my livingroom chairs with a pair of mauve pillowcases from the 99-cent store. It looks so good, I'm going to pick up two more matching pillowcases for the other livingroom chair. I'm not sure which is scarier - the fact that I actually did a do-it-yourself project, or the way I'm looking around my apartment and thinking of 101 other things I can do with my staple gun, spray paint and a bit of fabric.

My upstairs neighbor is a dumbass. Really, he is. There are two apartments in this house, and we usually get two of each piece of junk mail. So, what does my dumbass neighbor do? He leaves them both for me! Wait, it gets better. Not only does he leave them both in the mailbox for me, but he will leave the same piece of junk mail in the mailbox for days without taking it, and then slide it under my door for me to deal with. Now, if he doesn't want it, what makes him think that I want two of 'em???

So, last night, I left a post-it on the piece of junk mail that he's left for me for the past day or two saying "Thanks, but I already have one of these." This morning, I find a response to my post-it stuck on my door that says "Please give me a chance to pick up my mail." Now, I could understand that if he hadn't already picked up every other piece of his mail except the piece of junk mail. That was the only thing left in the mailbox. So, in order to keep the peace, I left him a note that said "No problem. I just thought you were leaving me the coupons in case I wanted them. Most of the time I don't use them, so feel free to just trash 'em if you don't want them." Guaranteed, next junk mail delivery, I'll have two of everything sitting and waiting for me again. Why? Because he's a dumbass.

In keeping with ATRW tradition, here are some headlines from this week's Weekly World News, my favorite tabloid:

Osama's Embarassing Secret: Bin Laden is a Bed Wetter! This is too much! "We believe that Al Qaeda may be running out of places to conceal him," confirms the source. "Now he's often forced to stay in sleazy roadside motels. Once the staff are done cleaning his room, they're usually glad to answer any questions we ask.

"It's been a long chase, but we know we're getting close. These days his bedsheets are often still damp when we arrive. That's very exciting."

I don't know who their source is, but I think anyone who thinks finding damp bedsheets is exciting really needs to get themselves a hobby or something. Something's just not right there.

35 Helpless Americans are Buried Alive Every Day! According to this article, If you don't want to become the next man, woman or child to suffocate in a casket, bleed to death in the basement of a funeral home or burn to oily ash in a crematorium, you must take precautions now. What the article fails to mention is what types of precautions one should take to avoid such a horrible fate.

Here's a helpful piece of advice - don't wear a red shirt to go shopping at Target.

Man Sets Girlfriend On Fire In Queens

I thought headlines like this only appeared in the Weekly World News, but this is real, and not too far from my neighborhood. I guess this gives new meaning to the words "Oh, thank Heaven for 7-11"!

Here's a guy who's a real brain surgeon. He pours gasoline on his girlfriend/common-law wife and then ends up in setting himself on fire while trying to hold onto her. Not exactly the brightest crayon in the box, that's for sure!

Welcome to the Blog version of "As the Rose Wilts"

I had started ATRW years ago as an e-mail journal, and then as an online journal on my old GeoCities website. I've been encouraged to bring back "As the Rose Wilts" and now its new incarnation is here. You can view earlier "episodes" here